mothering, counselling, personal growth, domestic violence, counseling, stay at home Mum, writing, reading, books, children, personal development

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Reinvigorated. And Slightly Reinvented.

I have long-loved the mystery and magic of a palimpsest. An ancient document weathered by time in the first instance, but kept and treasured for its intrinsic value. And for its unrealised, yet well understood, future value. Not only did these ancient documents contain valued messages, but they were valued as future receptacles of future messages. Even when their current value had passed, it was understood that they would be worthy of being reinvented, and reinvigorated. They would be valued and treasured in new and different ways. 

The loyalty and respect that I have understood these precious documents were surrounded with resonates within me. I love that these parchments, so hard to create in the first place, had life, and then more life, and then even more  life again. Not only are they so beautifully sustainable, with the eyes our resource-depleted world has given us for recycling and re-use, they capture emotional depth and integrity that touches me.

So, when I've looked at my blog, and wondered where I might take it, I've found palimpsests coming to my mind over, and over again. I've decided that my blog will become a palimpsest. I will honour and value, and retain, much of what I crafted in times past, and yet I will reinvigorated and reinvent it. It will carry messages from the past, and yet also fresh messages more fitting for the me that is now and today.

Since it is not only my blog that is a palimpsest. I am seeing myself as a palimpsest too. My Woman Journey has gladly taken me through career, and into motherhood, and is now moving me back towards career. Surrendering myself to mothering as fully as I could has grown me in directions and depth I never thought possible before the journey began. Though there were many days in that journey when I desperately yearned for solitude, actually experiencing it did not bring the relief and freedom I had hoped for. Instead, I was flooded with fear and grief. What would be lost from the me that I had grown to love? As our children now move so rapidly and wonderfully towards their own life scripts, what would my role be? Would there a role that would deeply satisfy me? Uncertainty surrounded me, and at times overwhelmed me.

After many months of feeling my way round inside the world that altered itself without my permission, and after poor health stripped me of energy for anything greater than life at its most basic Maslowian level, I have come to peace. Peace that reminds me that my life is diverse, and rich, and multi-textured. I am not a text telling just one story. I am a palimpsest. A valued, treasured document telling some dominant and more obvious stories pertaining to now, but also, and always, carrying messages and imprints from other stories that my life has told.

Two palimpsests, then. My blog, and my identity. I am releasing them both to be reinvigorated, and reinvented. I am re-scripting them both with a greater emphasis on my role in a bigger and more outward world. A world that is much larger than simply the world of my family. The counsellor script, which I think has never really slipped that far from the strongest messages embedded in my parchment self, is the one I now strengthen and grow.

Join me again as I begin the process of re-invention!

Have you ever been through a major reinvention of yourself? 

No comments:

Post a Comment

Howdy! Join in the conversation. Lots of voices and perspectives make for a lively chat! Registered and Protected