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Monday, October 3, 2011

A Successful Flunk



Ok. 

I can't do it. I just can't whip myself into productivity. I've flunked Blogtober 101 on Day 2.

That's a big flunk.

An early and decisive flunk.

It's reminiscent of a recurring dream I have. I'm in a schoolish environment, or maybe the studio where I used to have piano lessons. I'm quite caught out by the realisation it's exam day, or simply piano lesson day. But oops! No preparation done. In Dream Land, I simply can't comprehend it. Unprepared for an exam? No practice done? Unaware it was on? It's so inconceivable to me, Goody Two Shoes I have been, that I'm more bewildered by that than by the eminent doom of the exam or lesson. The exam or lesson never truly arrives. It's simply the bewilderment I'm left with.

However, this time I'm not bewildered. I can feel that this goal of writing every day just isn't me. So, I'm thinking my dream has been about building muscle to reject external goals. Reject the exam. Reject the lessons. I didn't prepare for them, because they symbolised something that wasn't actually not important to me. Not my goal. Not my dream.

And so flunking Blogtober on Day 2 is actually a success for me.

I have found I can't be as easily whipped along by someone else's drum and tune as I thought. At least on this occasion. You seem a strong woman, tinniegirl. I get the feeling you'd see this as a victory for me too. So, no offence, and thanks!

Trying to stir myself into daily blogging again has confirmed for me that I want blogging to serve me. I want it to fit because it does, not because I'm driving myself to make it work. The blog to serve me, not me to serve the blog.

So, I'm stepping out of Blogtober, waving it farewell, but with a lively and grateful spring in my step.


Do you love dreams? (I do, BTW). Do you have ones that keep on keeping on? Can you see fruit from their persistence, or are they at the annoyingly repetitive stage?



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5 comments:

  1. Oh the blog has to serve you. I do agree. I have had a similar blogging refeclection this week. Love your honesty here. Good on you

    Gill x

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  2. interesting, thoughtful post...
    Thanks for checking out my blog AND following. :D

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  3. I'm glad you signed up for Blogtober even if you have left as it brought me to your blog and so far I am liking what I am reading.

    Will be back to read more as soon as I get a minute (I too have the dilemma of givinbg kids breakfast!

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  4. Good on you for listening to YOU and your needs. Yes, the blog has to serve you. Totally agree. xx

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  5. Thanks, lovelies, for the encouragement. I do find it's a challenge to work out just where to draw the boundaries, and to work out whose needs I am meeting.

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